Isn't it funny how sometimes we can be so blind to what is going on around us even in the midst of all our chaos? Over these past few weeks I've had a lot going on and I've literally sat in my bed almost every night saying 'okay God, that's enough I can't handle anymore.' Or, 'you can step in whenever you want God. It be great to at least see you in this too.' I was looking at everything as I'm handling the world on my own and I couldn't do it anymore. I felt like I was getting attacked with something new each and every day. I was having a really bad week 2 weeks ago and I got worse and worse news literally every morning and I finally got to the point where I just cried and screamed and said 'God, I can't do this anymore. Why aren't you here?' & I had my Ipod on and the song that came on after I said that was the one I just had you listen to. I put it on repeat for at least an hour and just listened to the lyrics.
I had felt so numb before listening to the song, like no one was there. I felt like God was looking down at me saying 'eh, she'll make it by herself'....hopefully.' I began to give up in the slightest ways. I stopped believing in myself, I lost trust in the people closest to me, I put up a guard. It felt like my world had been on repeat all over again of all the crap I had been through in my past. I questioned everything. Then as I was listening to this song, I began to receive the healing God was trying to pour out on me all along.
I didn't understand why God was having everything happen to me now, all at once. Then in the middle of it all, I remembered something that someone told me when I was going through a lot a little over a year ago. God never gives you more than you can handle..
In that moment, I felt free.
When I thought I couldn't handle anything else, God kept adding more. This past weekend I was talking to one of my friends about all the stuff in my life and I was explaining everything that had been going on in my life recently and I said 'I don't understand what God's trying to show me, but I know it's something big.' After one of the sermons ended this weekend I literally stood up and in my mind said 'God I just want answers.' God's reply was almost audible and He said, "I told you to give me your life, now trust me with the rest."
God started to talk to me about my dreams I have, and the visions He has given me. He talked to me about the lifestyle He has chosen for me. I had given up on all of it, because I had the enemy telling me I wasn't good enough to finish out the work God had intended for me. Which was a load of crap! God has called me to touch lives and reach the people who don't feel loved and who don't believe in themselves. God has a very special calling on my life and I am so excited for what He has in store.
I may be going through a lot lately, but it's nothing me and God can't handle. God's allowing me to become more grounded in Him and surrounding myself with people who lift me up and not bring me down. I have a big God & I believe He's about to do bigggg things not only in my life, but in a lot of people around me. I'm so excited for what God's about to do.
God has a special calling on your life too, I don't know what the enemy has spoken over you, but just know, you are worth it and you are good enough. God has a plan for you, He wants to take you to the next level and see you make it to the place He's called you to go. He wants to see you graduate and move onto the career of your dreams. He wants to see you marry the person you've been waiting for all along. He wants to see you hold your first child and fall in love with them in the instant they touch your arms. He wants to see you reach every dream you've ever had. He wants to see you happy. It doesn't matter how old you are, God has a plan & even if it feels like you don't understand what that is right now. God does, so don't sweat it. You have nothing to worry about. :) Jeremiah 29:11 says it all. ♥
It's funny how 2 weeks ago I would have told you everything wrong with my life and then God changed it all around with a song. Sometimes it's just the little things that God's trying to get our attention with. :)
