I am not defined by the world

Wow! I can't believe it's already March again and the end of my dating fast is in less than a week. It seems like it wasn't to long ago that i was just starting my dating fast and saying "God, teach me what you want out of this year." & oh boy did he!

As i went through this year I learned so much about God, relationships, boys, & most importantly, myself.

I learned that no matter what relationship I ever get into that my relationship with God is the most important and it's where my foundation is based for everything in my life. I have been able to strengthen that foundation more and more each day since starting this fast because it seemed like i finally had my me and God time again. I had pushed God back so much because I was so worried about everyone around me that I didn't want to face it. But, when i finally had to face the fact that I had stuff i needed to work out with God...man, did God hit me hard over this last year.

God has given me clear vision on what I want in a guy and that sometimes waiting is the best time to just keep holding on closer to God. I had a few situations during my fast where I was like it be so easy right now if I wasn't on this stupid fast, but the moment i would say that is when God would show up and show me why i was. I am incredibly thankful that God allowed me to be on this fast at the time I started til now, because it couldn't have been anymore perfect for the timeline to work out.

God showed me so much about myself during this fast and the stuff I'm about to share I have never shared out in public like this so it's a big step for me.

God has given me so much more confidence than ever before because I have always hid behind things in my life for as long as I can remember. I was really good at wearing a different mask each day and say everything was okay. I pretty much was like a robot. Growing up I had incredibly tough self image problems and I would always be afraid I would never be good enough or that no guy would ever love me for who I am. I thought that I had let go of all that a longggg time ago until, a few months ago I had someone come to me and say straight to my face "just so you're aware, I never refer to you as the blonde one of the group. I always refer to you as the heavy one." When I heard the words my whole world shrunk and all my insecurities came rushing back into me and I instantly wanted to curl up in a ball and just cry. In that moment the exact words that ran through my mind were, "You will never EVER be good enough for anyone because you aren't pretty enough or skinny enough for anyone ever to love you." I just stood there in complete shock. But, this is when I really had to look to God for strength in this moment, because I just looked back into that persons eyes and I just laughed and turned and walked away before I said something I regret because I knew it was the devil just trying to get under my skin. I walked away and I went and called my mom because I was upset and my mom was like "Kim, you've come a long way and you used to be a lot more insecure than you are now. You lost over 30 pounds alone last year and for that, I'm proud of you. It doesn't matter who you are to other people all that matters is who God sees you as." After I got off the phone with her I felt 10 feet tall and I said to myself no weapons or words on earth can destroy me. I am not what the world thinks of me, I am a child of God.

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3:3-4 <3



Since that moment every time I start to feel like I'm not good enough I remind myself that the world does not define me or define who I am. To the world you aren't pretty unless you have a certain body type of certain hair color or shop at certain stores. Well, God has showed me that I am beautiful and I don't have to be a size 2 to be called beautiful, because it doesn't matter how pretty people are on the outsides if they aren't living for God and aren't giving God their hearts on the inside they are still hideous. I have fully surrendered my life to Lord and Father Jesus Christ.

I have learned through this that God has shown me that in Him I am beautiful because of Christ, and if I have a guy who can't see that in me and tries to change me for any reason at all then he doesn't deserve my heart at all. I deserve the best and I deserve a guy who will see who I am in Christ.

I can't wait to see who God brings into my life in the future to marry. I believe that God has the perfect guy for me. Someone who understands me and understands that some days I need more attention than other days. Someone who can put up with me constantly laughing at everything and laughing at myself, but someone who also understands that I don't cry often, but when I do I just need to sit and be held by him and let it out. Someone who will watch movies with me and hold my hand when I get scared or laugh with me when I'm laughing. Someone who can understand that yes I am almost 20 and I still love boy bands like One Direction & Justin Bieber. Someone who reminds me that I am good enough in his eyes. Someone who falls in love with me and doesn't walk away. Someone I can trust and love and care for. Someone I know won't walk away from me when I'm old and gray and wrinkly. But, most importantly someone who loves God more than he could ever love me.

I am incredibly thankful for the things God has taught me over this year and I'm thankful for the people he's placed in my life and taken out. God's still doing a lot of gardening in my life with putting things in place and taking stuff out, but I'm happy to be taking it piece by piece with Him guiding me and I can't wait to see the finished product in the end. I know God is speaking to my future husband right now and setting up the day we fall in love right now. I pray for him every time I get the chance. I am sitting with anticipation for all God has in store for my life. So happy for being able to set my foundation straight in my life! :)


I truly believe that this verse sums up everything.
Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.  Psalm 37:4 <3