Saturday, February 15, 2014

Love isn't sex.

Yesterday my fiancĂ© told me I was beautiful and he loved me. I felt like I was on cloud 9. Just to note, I was wearing jeans a shirt and a cardigan. Nothing special or fancy or flashy. 

When walking around the mall later in the day, I walked past so many couples. Young couples and all the girls I saw wore short short dresses/skirts and just let everything out. Leaving nothing to the imagination.  Looking at the girls faces you could see them searching for something. Something they knew they shouldn't be. But, when looking at the boys faces, they were beaming because they knew what they were getting for valentines day just like that. 

What happened to women in society today? Why must women feel like they have to take off there clothes to feel loved? Why do they feel like they have just let it all out just to get attention? 

Pointer, if it's the middle of winter and your skirt/dress is shorter than your jacket, that's a problem. I understand everywhere you look there's always something telling you that you need to change and be better for your man. Show more skin, wear more makeup, wear taller heels. 

Well I'm here to say, God didn't put you on this earth to be someone else's one night stand. He put you on this earth to be sought after and to be loved and cared for by a man who will love you with your clothes on. You are worth so much more than what you think or what he tells you. Sex isn't love. Real love is selfless, kind, caring, it's not jealous or boastful. Love isn't having a guy who uses you one night then ignores you the next and talks to another girl. It's not about being okay with him talking to other girls because you assume he's coming back to you at night. 

As a women I've seen all the tv commercials, magazines, store adds. Everything. But I was taught growing up to value myself, don't give myself away until my wedding night and I hold to that. It's not easy all the time. If I'm honest. After all, I am human. What I'm saying is I don't need to put myself out there to feel loved. You wanna know what I did for valentines day? I sat and watched Star Trek with my valentine. I'm not the biggest fan of this movie but I watched it anyways. But of course after that I made him watch a girly movie like Safe Haven. ;) 

My point if you shouldn't have to feel like this guy your with is the one is only there for one reason. Wait for the guy who loves you and respects you for who you are. Never change. I would love to be able to walk around a mall and see people who don't have the need to dress like its 98 degrees in the middle of a snowy winter day. Life is worth so much more than just giving away your worth. Start valuing yourself again. Your better than what you portray. 

Tuesday, November 20, 2012


Pray until something happens.

With it being the week of Thanksgiving I just want to share a story about someone who is very important to me and who I am so incredibly thankful for. This story is about a boy named Stephen Jay.

I met this boy a little over 2 years ago and from the instant I met him I knew he would change my life forever just by one look. The instant we made eye contact I verbally heard God's voice speak to me and tell me "that is what you've been praying for for all those years, that right there is your future." At the time I was at a place where I wanted no one close to me so I pushed it out and pretended it never happened. Little did I know God had a lot more in store for me than I expected.

Over the next few months I found myself falling for him and checking out new ways to get to know him. I realized God had something special planned for he and I, I just didn't know when the timing would be for it to start. Well long story short we lost contact for awhile in the middle of all this for about 13 months. I found myself constantly thinking about him and praying for him. Around September or October of last year I got a little beaded bracelet that a lady I knew from my old church had made that had the word PUSH on it which means, pray until something happens. When I got it I said, "God, this may be silly but I really want SOMETHING to happen. I don't know what that could be but I just want to see SOMETHING happen." & God spoke to me and said "Pray for Steve, he will be back in your life soon and you need to be ready. I promise you."

Well, that wasn't the "something" I was expecting, but I listened to God and began to pray. I never took the bracelet off and I prayed everyday that God would protect him and bring him back somehow. I would walk into the church every time and think, 'maybe today is the day.' I remember being disappointed when he wasn't there and becoming almost frustrated with God because I felt like he had almost forgot what he had said and my prayers weren't working anymore. Well at the end of April I got the news he was coming back and instead of being happy at first I slightly panicked and questioned why God would choose the timing he did. I had so many emotions when I found out that I didn't know how to react.When I first saw him I couldn't help but cry at how happy I was. I was in complete shock. I remember looking down at my bracelet that night and hearing God say, "I never forget my promises."

It took me a few weeks to get used to having him back around, but I felt like God had everything under control. By a month of him being back everything started to change. I started to want to talk to him more and want to know more about him. I caught myself constantly looking for him whenever I knew he was around. I started to realize he had consumed my every thought. I began to ask God what was going on and  how I was supposed to feel because I knew I loved him around end of May beginning of June. I knew he was it for me. No ifs, ands, or buts. I knew that God was telling him the same things he was telling me at that time and we both knew it is only because of God and his love and guidance that we have made it to this point.

I know that God has been with us this whole time through our whole relationship. God has changed both of us so much and made us stronger than ever before. I believe God has blessed our relationship so much over these past few months almost daily with new blessings and wisdom. I am so thankful for this guy. He's the one who has changed everything for me. He is my whole world and I wouldn't trade him for anything. He makes me smile on days I feel like crap and puts up with me when all I do is whine. Even when I'm a negative Nancy, he still loves me. I love him so much more than he will ever know.  He's the greatest blessing God has ever given me and I couldn't be happier. I'm so excited for everything God has in store for us. He has so many amazing plans for our future and I can't wait to spend them with him by my side. I know no matter what, that in the years to come we will always be there for each other.

I started praying over a year ago that God would make just one thing happen that I could have hope in, and if you would have asked me if I expected to be where I am today then, I would have told you heck no! I still keep that bracelet on as a reminder of God's promises. It helped me realize that when you pray for something, unless you have faith, nothing will work out how you want. If you want something to change and you want to see a miracle, start praying about it and believing God has already given it to you. I'm speaking from experience. Don't forget the promises God has spoken to you, believe in them and trust Him. If I would have ignored God last year and never started praying, who knows where Steve and I would be today. I'm thankful God had everything worked out all along.

Stephen Jay,
Thank you for being in my life and loving me unconditionally even when I least deserve it. You are the most handsome guy I know. Even on your bad days I still find more and more reasons to love you. I am so thankful for all you've done for me and all you've put up with from me. I'm thankful God brought you into my life and has changed me from the moment we first met. You have become my best friend. Thank you for making me feel safe. You're incredible inside and out. I can't wait to find new things to love about you everyday in the years to come. Our story might sound crazy to other people, but it's my favorite and I'm glad you understand it with me. :) I love you sooooo much. 
Ps-You are great. You are wonderful. You are handsome. You are amazing. But, my personal favorite...You are mine. :) I love you babe. 

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Love is patient.

Love is patient.
Love is kind.
Love is not jealous or boastful or proud.
Love is not rude.
Love does not demand it's own way.
Love keeps no record of wrong.
Love does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

This is my all time favorite passage in the Bible. Some say it's because I'm a lover or a romantic. I don't disagree with them about that. But, as some people look at this and say "I want that in life. God bring that into my life in someone else." I say, "God, make me this." I break down every line and see how God can make me into a person who can love like this. I want to be able to love like this in every relationship in my life.

I want to be able to be patient in every circumstance. Whether it be good, bad or ugly. I know God has a plan and will see me through. I know sometimes things get  hard and I just have to wait and trust God that everything will work out.

I want to be kind in every aspect of life. I want to be able to show love to people even by just a smile or hug. It's the simple things in life that will always matter most.

I don't want to ever be jealous or proud of myself or my accomplishments in life. I want to live a life where God gets all the glory for everything. I'm just a simple servant with a big future thanks to him.

I want to always have a gentle spirit to how i joke with things with people. I would never want to hurt the people I'm closest with. Even a small joke can stick with someone forever.

It's not about me. I don't want to look at life as how am I supposed to please Kimmy. I want to serve my King. He put me here for a reason. It's not about me, yes at times I become selfish but I'm human. I can be real.

I have a history and so does everyone. I'm not here to bring up every mistake in you. I'm here to say the past is the past and you've been set free. I won't hold anything over your head because you make a mistake. Instead I will say, "how can we fix it so it doesn't happen again?"All sin is equal. I've done stupid stuff I'm not going to judge you because you sin differently than you have. It's not my job.

I don't want to focus on the negative things of life. I want to look at life with positive outlook. I want to see things the way Christ sees them. Even when things look rough, I will always find a way to find the good in every situation.

I will never give up on the ones I love. I promise. I would go through anything to make sure that the people i love are safe and happy. Things go wrong and people change, but my God is forever and I know He will always be there to give me strength to hold onto the things I'm supposed to hold onto. No matter how big or little the situations I will always look to God for His wisdom and guidance to help guide me.

I'm nothing special, I'm a simple girl with big dreams. I try my best to show love to everyone I meet. I try to be as real as I can. I'm growing everyday. I'm stretching everyday. I want to go to a new level of love. I want to be able to have people look at me and they can see God's love shining through me.

God's placed dreams inside of me to change the way people look at themselves. I want people to be able to see what God sees in them. I want them to feel loved.

Love is more than just a word, it's an action. You can't just say I love you, you have to show it with how you act. If you're saying I love you to someone, but you don't show them you truly care in someway then your words mean nothing. Christ loves us and He tells us in so many ways. Look around you, He's giving you everything in your life. Still can't see what I'm talking about? Take a deep breath for me. God gives you each breath because He loves you and you are called to great things. What will you give Him? How will you tell Him you love Him today? Maybe loving an enemy you've been trying to avoid would be that cause. You can't hold onto bitterness and anger it will only destroy you in every way. Let it go. God doesn't hold onto your mistakes why should you be different to anyone else? Maybe something isn't working in your timing right now and you're getting frustrated, just remember God is right there with you and He is saying "I love you so much. You need to realize this is not the time for this, I have a time that will be right and you just have to trust me that I know whats best for you. I know every plan for you. Each day of your life I already have planned out. You just need to trust me. Life isn't always easy, but I'm always here."

Love is a powerful thing. What will you do to show Christ's love today? Life is to short to not love people.

We love because He first loved us. 1 John 4:19

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Thankful for God's timing.

Have you ever felt that if you had one thing your whole life would be different? Or if just one thing would have changed you wouldn't have ended up where you are now?

Imagine with me for a second, if God gave you something you had wanted a year ago, would you have ended up where He has lead you now? Answer is, probably not.

As I was talking to God tonight and talking with a few people this week, I was talking about all the things God has done for me over this past year and half of my life. There has been so many changes and mountains I've climbed. This time last year I was asking God for things just to fill in holes in my life not because I needed them. I was so overwhelmed with the thought of having those "things" that I would get mad when I didn't get them when I wanted them.

Throughout the course of the past 18 months I've learned so much about God's timing. For instance when I started my dating fast last March. That wasn't when God first told me to start it, but because I was selfish and didn't want to listen I ignored God the first time. Do I regret starting when I did? No. It couldn't have been a better time. It was hard, I won't lie. I didn't know what to do. It was weird how as the year went on I had a timeline of events that kept adding up along the way that I kept having to ask God about, but at the end it all made a lot more sense and I got something I wasn't expecting. I dreaded the fast some days, but in the end it was the best decision I had ever made. I came out of that fast with a new identity and a new confidence that no one could ever take away from me. I was and still am a completely different person. This time last year I was a scared girl who just wanted to be loved. During my fast I learned how to fall deeply in love with the one who first loved me before I was even born. I can't tell you how amazing it feels to be in love with such an amazing God. And I realized I don't need a boy to tell me they love me or that I'm beautiful, because to God I am beautiful and He will never stop loving me no matter what.

Around this time last year I was still trying to find what God had called me to do and who I was supposed to be. I was pretending to be something I wasn't for awhile. I am so thankful that God showed me who I was during that time. I'm glad I didn't end up how I thought I was supposed to. I found a new place of freedom with God. I've been able to knock down so many walls even just in this past month that I had had built for years and never saw. These walls had held me back from so much growing I had been trying to reach for. I've had new opportunities to start over and it feels so good. I couldn't be more thankful for what God is doing and the greatest part is, none of this would have even been in my plans if you would have asked me this time last year. I wouldn't have ever believed you if you told me I would have a second chance to be happy again and follow after my dreams. I had buried those things a long time ago. God has placed so many amazing people in my life and great doors open right in front of me. I couldn't be happier with where He has put me. & the best part is I know that right where I'm at now, is just the beginning. I know God has a lot of plans for me coming soon. Including new places, new jobs, new changes and new relationships. God is so amazing and I seriously thank Him so much for not allowing me to have the things I wanted back then. I'm glad whenever I throw a fit like a spoiled brat when I don't get something God says' "One day, you'll understand why." It makes a whole lot of sense once you're on the other side of the story.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

God's got the plan, not me. ♥

Before continuing to read. Stop and listen to this song. 

Isn't it funny how sometimes we can be so blind to what is going on around us even in the midst of all our chaos? Over these past few weeks I've had a lot going on and I've literally sat in my bed almost every night saying 'okay God, that's enough I can't handle anymore.' Or, 'you can step in whenever you want God. It be great to at least see you in this too.' I was looking at everything as I'm handling the world on my own and I couldn't do it anymore. I felt like I was getting attacked with something new each and every day. I was having a really bad week 2 weeks ago and I got worse and worse news literally every morning and I finally got to the point where I just cried and screamed and said 'God, I can't do this anymore. Why aren't you here?' & I had my Ipod on and the song that came on after I said that was the one I just had you listen to. I put it on repeat for at least an hour and just listened to the lyrics.

I had felt so numb before listening to the song, like no one was there. I felt like God was looking down at me saying 'eh, she'll make it by herself'....hopefully.' I began to give up in the slightest ways. I stopped believing in myself, I lost trust in the people closest to me, I put up a guard. It felt like my world had been on repeat all over again of all the crap I had been through in my past. I questioned everything. Then as I was listening to this song, I began to receive the healing God was trying to pour out on me all along.

I didn't understand why God was having everything happen to me now, all at once. Then in the middle of it all, I remembered something that someone told me when I was going through a lot a little over a year ago. God never gives you more than you can handle..

In that moment, I felt free. 

When I thought I couldn't handle anything else, God kept adding more. This past weekend I was talking to one of my friends about all the stuff in my life and I was explaining everything that had been going on in my life recently and I said 'I don't understand what God's trying to show me, but I know it's something big.' After one of the sermons ended this weekend I literally stood up and in my mind said 'God I just want answers.' God's reply was almost audible and He said, "I told you to give me your life, now trust me with the rest."

God started to talk to me about my dreams I have, and the visions He has given me. He talked to me about the lifestyle He has chosen for me. I had given up on all of it, because I had the enemy telling me I wasn't good enough to finish out the work God had intended for me. Which was a load of crap! God has called me to touch lives and reach the people who don't feel loved and who don't believe in themselves. God has a very special calling on my life and I am so excited for what He has in store.

I may be going through a lot lately, but it's nothing me and God can't handle. God's allowing me to become more grounded in Him and surrounding myself with people who lift me up and not bring me down. I have a big God & I believe He's about to do bigggg things not only in my life, but in a lot of people around me. I'm so excited for what God's about to do.

God has a special calling on your life too, I don't know what the enemy has spoken over you, but just know, you are worth it and you are good enough. God has a plan for you, He wants to take you to the next level and see you make it to the place He's called you to go. He wants to see you graduate and move onto the career of your dreams. He wants to see you marry the person you've been waiting for all along. He wants to see you hold your first child and fall in love with them in the instant they touch your arms. He wants to see you reach every dream you've ever had. He wants to see you happy. It doesn't matter how old you are, God has a plan & even if it feels like you don't understand what that is right now. God does, so don't sweat it. You have nothing to worry about. :) Jeremiah 29:11 says it all.  ♥

It's funny how 2 weeks ago I would have told you everything wrong with my life and then God changed it all around with a song. Sometimes it's just the little things that God's trying to get our attention with. :)

Monday, April 2, 2012

My Identity is found in Christ <3

As I went out today it was the first time in a long time I didn't wear make up in public.As soon as I pulled out of the driveway I became so insecure thinking people would look at me differently. I thought people would judge me because I wasn't wearing make up. You may think that is the silliest thing to think but, I sometimes think as Christians we may trust in God but we still find things to hide behind so we don't have to face stuff when we get scared. For me, I know sometimes I tend to hide behind make up to make me feel like I'm somewhat of a "better person." It may sound silly but it's something that I know personally I've been working on. It's not a big deal, but some people struggle with bigger things than make up to hide their pain in life and they let certain things define how they live their lives. For instance, for me it's make up, but for you it could be music, your car, wardrobe, the movies you watch, the places you hang out, the friends you have. Any of these can be something someone tries to hide behind.

As I was driving home after going to work for awhile then going shopping a song came on my Ipad and it was called Idenity by Lecrae. The lyrics hit me today and it made me look at how this society is now a days.

The verse that hit me in this song was the verse about the girl and how she sees herself. Here are the lyrics.

Got her hair done, toes, nails
Is that Her, well it's hard to tell
Cause she's so caked up in all that make up
It's like she tryna make up for what she ain't but,
She's a saint, but so confused
Cause she's been rejected by all these dudes
That tell her on a scale of 10 she's a two
But that ain't true
If she only knew
In Christ she is loved, she secure and accepted
Never be rejected by God whose elected her
Her beauty is her Godliness
And she ain't gotta flaunt it cause it's obvious
Identity is found in the God we trust
And any other identity will self destruct
Identity is found in the God we trust
And any other identity will self destruct

This almost brought me to tears to think about this. I've looked at myself as that girl so many times, I'm a lot better than I've been, but something I've noticed lately is that I've had a lot of younger girls looking up to me to help them make the next steps in life and girls who just need someone who will be there for them. When I look at those lyrics and see how some of that screams me in so many ways I stopped and thought I don't want those girls to end up like that. I know for a fact my identity is found in Christ. I wish more girls saw themselves like that. If we try to set our own standards of identity other than Christ than we won't make it. 

God made each person special in their own way whether they see it or not. You can't get up the morning expecting that everything is going to go perfect if you don't start the morning with the only person who is perfect which is God. If you get up and ask God to show you all the good you can find in the day, I promise you things will change. Who cares what the world thinks of you? God thinks you're wonderful in every way just the way you are. Don't try to change the creation he's made you in. 

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” Jeremiah 1:5

Saturday, March 17, 2012

I am not defined by the world

Wow! I can't believe it's already March again and the end of my dating fast is in less than a week. It seems like it wasn't to long ago that i was just starting my dating fast and saying "God, teach me what you want out of this year." & oh boy did he!

As i went through this year I learned so much about God, relationships, boys, & most importantly, myself.

I learned that no matter what relationship I ever get into that my relationship with God is the most important and it's where my foundation is based for everything in my life. I have been able to strengthen that foundation more and more each day since starting this fast because it seemed like i finally had my me and God time again. I had pushed God back so much because I was so worried about everyone around me that I didn't want to face it. But, when i finally had to face the fact that I had stuff i needed to work out with, did God hit me hard over this last year.

God has given me clear vision on what I want in a guy and that sometimes waiting is the best time to just keep holding on closer to God. I had a few situations during my fast where I was like it be so easy right now if I wasn't on this stupid fast, but the moment i would say that is when God would show up and show me why i was. I am incredibly thankful that God allowed me to be on this fast at the time I started til now, because it couldn't have been anymore perfect for the timeline to work out.

God showed me so much about myself during this fast and the stuff I'm about to share I have never shared out in public like this so it's a big step for me.

God has given me so much more confidence than ever before because I have always hid behind things in my life for as long as I can remember. I was really good at wearing a different mask each day and say everything was okay. I pretty much was like a robot. Growing up I had incredibly tough self image problems and I would always be afraid I would never be good enough or that no guy would ever love me for who I am. I thought that I had let go of all that a longggg time ago until, a few months ago I had someone come to me and say straight to my face "just so you're aware, I never refer to you as the blonde one of the group. I always refer to you as the heavy one." When I heard the words my whole world shrunk and all my insecurities came rushing back into me and I instantly wanted to curl up in a ball and just cry. In that moment the exact words that ran through my mind were, "You will never EVER be good enough for anyone because you aren't pretty enough or skinny enough for anyone ever to love you." I just stood there in complete shock. But, this is when I really had to look to God for strength in this moment, because I just looked back into that persons eyes and I just laughed and turned and walked away before I said something I regret because I knew it was the devil just trying to get under my skin. I walked away and I went and called my mom because I was upset and my mom was like "Kim, you've come a long way and you used to be a lot more insecure than you are now. You lost over 30 pounds alone last year and for that, I'm proud of you. It doesn't matter who you are to other people all that matters is who God sees you as." After I got off the phone with her I felt 10 feet tall and I said to myself no weapons or words on earth can destroy me. I am not what the world thinks of me, I am a child of God.

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3:3-4 <3

Since that moment every time I start to feel like I'm not good enough I remind myself that the world does not define me or define who I am. To the world you aren't pretty unless you have a certain body type of certain hair color or shop at certain stores. Well, God has showed me that I am beautiful and I don't have to be a size 2 to be called beautiful, because it doesn't matter how pretty people are on the outsides if they aren't living for God and aren't giving God their hearts on the inside they are still hideous. I have fully surrendered my life to Lord and Father Jesus Christ.

I have learned through this that God has shown me that in Him I am beautiful because of Christ, and if I have a guy who can't see that in me and tries to change me for any reason at all then he doesn't deserve my heart at all. I deserve the best and I deserve a guy who will see who I am in Christ.

I can't wait to see who God brings into my life in the future to marry. I believe that God has the perfect guy for me. Someone who understands me and understands that some days I need more attention than other days. Someone who can put up with me constantly laughing at everything and laughing at myself, but someone who also understands that I don't cry often, but when I do I just need to sit and be held by him and let it out. Someone who will watch movies with me and hold my hand when I get scared or laugh with me when I'm laughing. Someone who can understand that yes I am almost 20 and I still love boy bands like One Direction & Justin Bieber. Someone who reminds me that I am good enough in his eyes. Someone who falls in love with me and doesn't walk away. Someone I can trust and love and care for. Someone I know won't walk away from me when I'm old and gray and wrinkly. But, most importantly someone who loves God more than he could ever love me.

I am incredibly thankful for the things God has taught me over this year and I'm thankful for the people he's placed in my life and taken out. God's still doing a lot of gardening in my life with putting things in place and taking stuff out, but I'm happy to be taking it piece by piece with Him guiding me and I can't wait to see the finished product in the end. I know God is speaking to my future husband right now and setting up the day we fall in love right now. I pray for him every time I get the chance. I am sitting with anticipation for all God has in store for my life. So happy for being able to set my foundation straight in my life! :)

I truly believe that this verse sums up everything.
Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.  Psalm 37:4 <3