Out of our biggest struggles, comes our greatest strengths.

Lately I've come to realize that I've been someone who settles for less.
    
I settle for less in every area of my life.

 I have had my mind set on the fact that I expect a lot less than i deserve.


I've felt this way for wayyyyy too long.

In my past I've had people hurt me.

I've had people care about me for a period of time then out of no where snap and just leave.

I actually started to believe that everyone is the same and everyone will end up like this.

Well, I was wrong.

Yea everyone in life will disappoint you at one point or another, but no one is perfect.

I've had my choice of people walk into my life and walk right out with no explanation.

But, it was there own personal decisions. They had to make a choice if having me in their lives was worth it.

Some people chose yes, some, no.

If there is anything I've learned over the last few years is, I'm far from perfect. Just like everyone else.

No one in my life will be able to be there for me 24/7.

Everyone who i care about will eventually let me down and I have to be okay with that.

Everyone has expectations in relationships. About how they think they should play out.

But, relationships aren't about expectations, mainly it's about the destination. Where do you see it ending up?

We can't go through life expecting so much out of someone else because eventually they grow tired and weak and don't feel like dealing with us anymore.

We can't wait for prince charming to come walkin in, in all his glory and perfection and know for a fact that everything is going to work out. Because honestly, it won't. Relationships are hard. They have difficulties, they have struggle, the question is are you willing to put up with those struggles to be with that person?

Mainly what I've come to realize is the issue is PRIDE in ourselves that we are not willing to put down.

Maybe the story is it didn't work out with someone in the past and your scared to take another jump. PRIDE

Maybe you screwed up something with someone you love and your fighting and you're not willing to put down your walls. PRIDE

Maybe you've fallen in love and your too scared to tell the other person so you run away. PRIDE

Why are we all so selfish people that we are so scared to love?

You know whats funny is yesterday i posted a status that said "Find a heart that will love you at your worst and arms that will hold you at your weakest." & it really hit me today how powerful that is.

Because yesterday to me it was something physical. I physically wanted someone to be there for me and wrap there arms around me.

Today I felt it and saw it in a different view.

God is the only heart that will love me at my worst and only His arms are the ones that can make me feel whole again when I'm feeling weak.


When i am going through so much crap and so many emotional break downs I feel like i can't take it anymore. He's there.

When I don't know what tomorrow holds. He's there.

When I don't know what's going to happen or I'm scared to find out. He's there.

I can't be scared. & the funny thing is when God's around my pride is gone. Because I can't look at Him and say I don't want you to love me and I don't want your arms around me because, whether I feel it or not He's ALWAYS going to be there and ALWAYS going to love me.


We need to realize that what God is giving to us each and everyday, we need to be giving to everyone else.

Right now I'm going through a lot of crap, just like everyone else. The question is, will I sit and dwell on it and try to fix it myself or will I give it to God and trust He has a plan?

Hmmm...seems like a no brainer to me...

Who's writing your story?

James 1:2-5 (NIV)

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.

The past few months I have been through a lot of changes in my life. Some changes easy to deal with, others extremely difficult.

One of the hardest things i currently struggle with is patience.

I have never done well with this area of my life. I am always someone who likes to have things set in stone and ready to go.

Lately I've come to realize that I have been tested with patience in every area of my life. Family, friends, relationships, money, jobs, school, you name it, I've had it these past few months.

But, one thing I've come to realize as I have been dealing with this over the past few months is, you can't expect everything in your life to go according  to "your plan".

If I got everything I wanted right exactly when i wanted it, I'd probably be miserable and not no what to do with myself.

I've learned that the things I'm struggling most with are the things that at this moment in time I truly am not ready for. If I got some of the things that I have been wanting for so long now I'd be so lost in what to do because I would feel selfish because I did them in my timing and not God's.

See something I've come to realize is....

God has a timing for everything.

He knew the day I was going to be born and He knows the day I'm going to die.

But, He also knows the things in between then...

What i mean by that is...it's not us who wrote our story. It's God.

He knows when I'm going to be tomorrow.
He knows the day I'm going to fall in love with the person I know I'm going to marry.
He knows how many kids I'll have.
He knows what kind of job I'll have 10 years from now.
Heck, He even knows what color socks I'll be wearing tomorrow.

The reason why He already knows this is because right now at this very moment He is sitting up in Heaven reading my personal story out of my personal book that He wrote about me.

It's not a book that has been sitting on a shelf all dusty and gross because He forgot about it and doesn't care.

It's a book He enjoys picking up everyday and seeing where the next chapter leads every time he turns the page.

It's full of many different stories and He loves picking it up and reading it each day to see where I'm going to go. He should love it because obviously He wrote it.

See the thing is, like I said earlier God already knows everything about my future and He already has the whole thing laid out for me.

But tomorrow when I wake up will I be going by what God already has written in my book or will I change the wording.

Yea it's my life & my story, but God knows what's best for me that's why I put my trust in Him.

If I was running my life I'd get all the things I asked for in my past when I wanted them, which would have lead me down a path where I would probably still be trying to find my way back from.

God is great and He is strong & He has a purpose for everything.

God wrote my book in permanent marker not invisible ink.

He is proud of what He has written & wants to show it off to people.

When I have a good day I see Him sitting there smiling, showing it off to the angels saying "look what she has done today. Isn't she getting so much stronger each day."

& on my bad days I can feel Him weeping with me and holding me in His arms telling me, "Every things going to be alright. Don't give up. You're stronger than you believe."

No matter what I face in life I know that God is with me.

I know He has the pen while writing my book and I'm not taking it out of His hands. Because He knows me better than anyone.

I may be struggling with things right now, but I can hear Gods voice saying,

        "Hey Kimmy, just wait for the next chapter.You're going to love it."

♥