Healing

Last  night I was lying in bed and I started to think of my grandmother, I thought I wonder if she’d be proud of me for what I’m doing or what I’m called to do? I was thinking I wonder if she would approve of the people I've been talking to or the friendships or relationships I've been involved with.

Now you have to understand something this woman was my absolute best friend in the world and I did everything with her. Her and I were literally glued at the hip and always with each other. Whenever I had a problem I’d always call her first.

I was really strung up on some stuff last night that I couldn’t overcome and for the first time in about a year and a half all I wanted to do was call my grandmother and just cry to her like I used to. But, I couldn’t. It’s been about two and a half years since she passed away and I’m missing her now more than ever for some reason.

I wanted her to be with me last night because I was feeling completely restless and I knew she would just sit and comfort me if she was there.

& then as I was laying there I began to cry because for some reason the pain became so strong and I didn’t know why. ..Until God showed me the answer..

For the past few months all I’ve wanted was to feel love and to know that the love was true and my grandmother was the only person in my past that truly made me feel that way. She gave me hope and made my future look bright to me.

I wanted someone to comfort me for so long that I wasn’t focused on the fact that God has been there with me all the way comforting me and holding me up.

The times I’ve felt alone He’s been there. Last night as I laid in bed I was so shook up for the moment and I didn’t understand why. I began to not only miss my grandmother, but many people from my past that I had had a very deep connection with, especially people who I’ve lost in contact recently with the last few months..

I don’t know why God brought those people to mind, I hadn’t been thinking about them in months, but I believe God had a reason for it.

Sometimes I feel like God gives me the tears of the people around me who can’t cry the tears themselves because they don’t see what they are doing. That would explain a lot of tears in the past. God has given me the gift to feel a lot of what other people are going through I just sometimes blow it off. But, last night was stronger than ever.

I was finally able to calm down and get some sleep after I prayed and asked God for comfort through what I was feeling.

I know God has a reason why He does this. Today I’m still feeling the pain I was feeling last night really heavy, but at the same time I’m also very at peace. Because I have no control of the situations in the other people’s lives so I have no way of saying I understand completely what they are going through. But, I know that the God who has comforted me can comfort them and can heal them and bring them out of the dark areas in their lives.

As I was driving to church this morning a verse was read on the radio station and I've known this verse forever pretty much because i remember being very young and Evangelist Reggie Dabbs did a sermon on it.

The verse is Matthew 5:4 Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

& the song Restoration started to play in my head where it says,

 "You take my mourning and turn it into dancing,

You take my weeping and turn it into laughing,

You take my mourning and turn it into dancing,

You take my sadness and turn it into joy.

Hallelujah you make all things new."

This song has been really speaking to me over the past few weeks and I believe God has really been showing me a lot because He is preparing me for something greater than I can imagine.